nice article 🙂

how we escape from toxicity

being a nurse is really a very tiring job. for u have to have Complete dedication and passion. it is nOt very easy but i do enjoy it coz i love it and i am surrounded with People who have positive attitude towards life. CHEERS! TO ALL THE NURSES OUT THERE Ü

via PicsArt Photo Studio

tiring day

its been a while since i am dragging myself everyday to work. MIND YOU. it is really very tiring and my mind is not really functioning well in order for me to write a good concept here in my blog. so please bear with me if i will be  sounding like a nonsense person.. hahaha oh well i guess in order for me to conceptualize something is to tuck myself in to bed and regain my energy. hopefully, tomorrow i can have a better output1.  so long for now. gudnyt 🙂

DISAPPOINTMENT with GOD

This was a lazy saturday for me. i just decided to just tuck myself in bed for half a day and enjoy my rest day. Well i badly need some break after what happened yesterday to my duty. hahah definitely an energy draining event for all of us but we still managed to enjoy and laugh at ourselves after. However, due to some boredom i encouraged myself to do something besides from hibernating here in my bed. As usual, surf the net.. toggle up the neurons that were left in my brain (if by chance there is any.. hahah) and VIOLA i tripped over to a site that features this book! i was very intrigued to this. The book promised to address some of the most faith-fracturing questions known to the religious—Why is God Unfair?, Is He Hidden?, and Is He Silent? Certainly, a book of faith to the eyes of those who doubt.

I am a firm believer that there is a God but there was a point in my life before that i honestly ask Him why He allowed some “not-so-good-and-not-what-i-expect” events to happened in my life.This might sound absurd to some readers out there because i am leading you to a fact that somehow i came to a point that..yes. I was dissapointed with God. I had my fair share of heartaches,pain and angst in this world that i just wanted to find someone that i could blame if things do not happen MY WAY. However, i know for a fact that i should NEVER ever question HIs purpose, I was sorry, I repented and promised myself that if a situation can never be changed, i guess God just wants me to changed my outlook/perspective in life. Some things may happen in contrary to what we hoped and wished for but I believe He is still the most knowledgable in making our life best. We just have to trust Him i guess. Anyway to cut the story short, I want this BOOK hahaha. i just hope i can find this easily in the bookstore 😛

I Can’t Make You Love Me

i was really bored to death this lazy Saturday but i am grateful that i had the chance to take a rest from my work. well i’d rather be bored right NOW than be on duty again and experience a tiring task dealing with patients. i chose to tuck myself in bed for half a day then decided to just surf the net again and entertain myself. hoping i could find some interesting stuffs here that would toggle the rest of my neurons left after my duty yesterday. hahah. luckily as i browsed my facebook (which i normally do everyday) i tripped over to one of my friend’s page and saw a music video he just posted. he just had a caption “heartbreaking” and then finally i was eager to really listen to it. he was right, upon listening to that video i just felt the emotion coming to the singer. i empathize with every word he said there. the lyrics just told a wonderful heartbreaking story, sad but very inspirational. it was in male version so i just decided to look for another version, the female version. by the way i almost forgot that the original singer of this song is BONNIE RAIIT but i still decided to look for another video who has the same cover.

i wanted to post and share this video to all the gals/guys out there who somehow felt and still feeling the same emotions like the song is telling us. moving on is very easier said than done. sometimes letting go of what you value most but consistently hurts you is way way better than holding on. just give yourself some time and one morning will come that will lead to acceptance. everyday i always remind myself not to be bitter of what happened to the past. the world is a happy place to dwell yourself in the past!! LIVE LAUGH and still LOVE more 🙂

CHARGE NuRSE mode

i started my day gearing up for what i called “the battle field” , my workplace. Actually i was looking forward that my duty would be a lot easier and less doctor’s order/procedures. Well guess what?  i was happy since it was already 9:45 am and there were no orders yet not UNTIL the clock turned its hands at 10 am. BOOM! it was already another story. A story with lots of excitement that will really drain your energy and will eventually require all your neurons in your brain. to cut the story short, this day was one of my most toxic day again being a charge nurse. Moreover, this was my second time as well having an expired patient. Mind you, i really had to deal with all the attending physicians of the patient (may his soul rest in peace) so that i can get all their professional fees and where we would advise the relatives to settle it. then came all the other “energy-draining” orders of all the doctors to their different patients. how i wish i can implement and carry out all the orders within a snap of finger. my mind was not functioning already and still i have to face the fact that i still have to entertain the new admitted patients. my stomach was already roaring since i had to deal with skipping meals again for the “nth” time. i felt like crying out for help but thank God i was with my 5 bedside nurses. although i know for a fact and obviously they were all toxic to their patients, i am happy because they help me and made my task lighter. a very exhausting moment but we did find time to laugh at our TOXIC situation since everyone was really crazy. 🙂 oh how i love it!! i will definitely remember this bittersweet memory. the last duty day with Cudz since she will be transferred to another area in two days time. 🙂

EQUALITY (TRANSGENDER ALERT?)

The prestigious beauty pageant event for our country, The Binibining Pilipinas, was already finished last Sunday. I was blown away by all the contestant’s charms and wits. All the women there were very captivating with their own special ways. It was really an amazing thing how they managed to be poised and be very graceful given the fact that all eyes were focused at them and people were just waiting to every move that they will make, whether they will do right or will commit mistakes. I just can’t imagine how very terrifying it was to continue to project grace under BIG pressure.  I do have some bets there some were able to make it, some unfortunately did not.  The question and answer portion of the pageant was by far the best that I have seen. The women were all very witty and smart. Some provided a very short but honest point; some made the judges and viewers laugh and some really made the crowd mesmerize how excellent their point of view was.  The result of the winners was not what I really expected; some might empathize with me because I honestly hoped for another batch of winners.   However, I am just a simple viewer and the set of judges have their own beliefs and opinions on who they think can give justice in representing our country. Oh well I just wish all the winners good luck and looking forward that they can bring home the bacon and give the Philippines the prestige.

Talking more about how prestigious this pageant to every country in the universe, I have heard about an issue recently regarding transgender people joining a pageant made for real women. Not so very long ago before the Bb.Pilipinas was conducted, the winner of Ms Canada really had a major issue since she was proven to be born as a man biologically but eventually turned himself to a woman physically and legally.  It was really an important matter to discuss with. I for a fact really thought what I stand for that matter. Everybody deserves a chance and I am against any discrimination to all those transgender people who experienced it. However, I firmly believe that they should have their own contest specifically made for them so that they can have distinction. This is not what you call slashing off equality to them but I guess this is more of just giving a specific designation to everyone.  I do respect the third sex because without a doubt they are all talented, witty and beautiful in their own special way as well. Then again, I am just stating my opinion here that maybe they can have their own pageant so not to make the women’s beauty pageant complicated and full of issues.

How about you what is your stand?

You can not Get all what you want at the same time.

Right now i am starting to believe that you can not get everything that you want in your life at the same time. i prayed for a job and without a doubt GOD is so good because i was able to have a good and stable job as a nurse. Health is very essential for me and i am very grateful because He never allowed me to be in danger or have a slightest illness at all. Blessed is not an enough word to describe how i feel whenever i will come home from work seeing my family very happy together and complete with good health as well. we may not be rich since i must admit that we are always having some financial problems when it comes to daily expenses to work,debts and school. Nevertheless, i do not get that thought in my head and continue to have a positive outlook in life because i know God will provide us enough. in the contrary,  i feel so depressed right now since it’s been almost 4 years now when i tried to pray and ask God if He can let me meet the man that would love me and I would love. i do not question God’s reason why up until now i haven’t met someone who  will make my heart happy again. I miss the times that i will be excited at the end of the day then be enthusiastic to tell the person how bad my day was but will eventually be changed since i talked to him already. Pfft.. 😦 i do not know what is wrong with me, why i still can not find THAT MAN. I just hold on to the thought that God is good and He knows the best time for me to have that. I want it but i guess God is giving me a message that it is not what i NEED for now. For the meantime i believe that i would have to focus myself to enhance my career path for myself and my family. Patience, that is what i need right now.

letter to a lost love

                     

dear someone,

i am assuming that this date is the most happiest day of your life. After so many excruciating efforts and energies allotted for so may years, you are now an ENGINEER..finally. God knows how i also prayed for your success, how much i wanted you to achieve your dreams so that you will no longer be unhappy and unsatisfied. for almost 8 years i prayed. i hoped. i wished for your happiness. i always wanted you to have 101% confidence since i believe that you already have that in you but because of some circumstances you’ve lost a bit of that. This is your happiest day yet one of the most heartbreaking event in my life. as i saw your status changed from single to in a relationship.. i felt like my heart was pounded several times. I envied the situation, for so many years i have dreamed, prayed and waited that you could do that for me before when we were still together. We had our fair share of good memories that lasted for so many years. I was your confidante, your supporter and your lover. we did enjoy our time together but unfortunately things changed and eventually i lost you. we no longer find the connection that strengthened us before. you told me we already had a gap and i can no longer understand you. i wanted to fight.. so hard that i already forgot that it is time to let go and move on because it hurts so much. It constantly kills me. My body feels like being soaked in the ice, instead of feeling numb it felt like my body is burning but very cold 😦 i envy the girl. i longed for this day that you will shout out to the world that I am the reason for your success, your inspiration and that you are proud of me. However, i guess that was not intended for me.. i am looking forward that someday i can find the suitable best love story that i can tell here 😦 to you and to your lucky girl.. Good luck and best wishes. i am happy for you and right now i am praying to God that He continuously blessed me as well and always give me positive thoughts to everything that is happening.

sincerely..
little miss trouble

WHY Write? WHAT to write? WHEN to write?

woah. i never thought that it’s been a year since i started to make my blogsite. it makes me kinda sad since i never pursued developing this site and continuously write anything under the sun to somehow enhance my writing skills. it is already year 2012 and here i am again trying to write, giving the effort and squeezing my brain out hoping i can produce some juicy ideas on what will i write. honestly, i don’t know how to start again. My mind is consistently blank upon staring my computer, i wanted to write something but the question is WHAT will i write?? Probably i will start by telling you why i decided to open up again my account after a year of not giving a damn concern on what is happening on my blogsite. same reason why i started to make this site last year. in lieu with my preparation for IELTS i am hoping that this simple exercise can somehow help me practice developing my skills (writing) so that i can ace the exam and have a very high score.

        

i am still working as a nurse, same environment, same scenario but with some new people, workmates already. upon thinking all of those things the pressure of going somewhere else already sunk in. almost all the old staff nurses there were already resigned pursuing their careers to another place where they are more compensated compare to where i am working right now. i envy them because finally  they had the courage to pursue what they wanted to their career. i just remember that last year i wrote about my friend inviting me to have an exam, oh well fortunately he took the exam and now he is already in Australia implementing all his goals and plan. upon receiving that news i just promised to myself that THIS TIME i would certainly have some FOCUS. Laziness will not get in my way ANYMORE, i will not let it again delay my journey. To this day, let this article be a reminder for me that i should work according to my plan  and that no matter what happen i will implement my plans already.( get my passport, review for ielts while i still have no classes for my masters since it is still summer, finished my masters and remind myself ALWAYS not to get tired or lose any motivation in applying to other work opportunities) welcome my new motivation.oh God help me.  this may be a very slow and small step but i am looking forward that it can help and i will eventually get used to it.  so for the meantime so long for now and until tomorrow.